I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
