The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
