she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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