She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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