Need sex. Gaining weight.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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