So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize