I cockslap morals
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
This gyro tastes like lonliness
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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