I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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