i just had sex bonerless
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
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