maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Randomize
