Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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