therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
