I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Randomize
