i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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