Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
