carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
