He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
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