1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Your tits are I can't wait for
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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