so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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