how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
