Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
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