Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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