how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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