Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
