I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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