I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Randomize
