why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
