Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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