I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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