No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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