Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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