He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
