people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
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