the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
She tied me up with her honor cords...
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
