I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
