i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
