I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
