shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
