There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
