if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
