I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
