When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
