I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
