Jerry, you need to find god
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
