Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Don't EVER smell your tampon
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize