we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
