Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
