I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
