Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
