words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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