Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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