Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
