Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
