My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Randomize