omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
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