My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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