from now on my penis is your penis
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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