I'd wear matching sweaters with you
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
