the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize