so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
