Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
