Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
