Christians are straight up FREAKS
someone owes me an orgasm
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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