My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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