I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
