I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
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