I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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