I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
